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If the Buds ruled the world (or, if the Buds had super powers)

February 16, 2012 - Taste Buds
A girl can dream, can't she? Fantasizing about how different things would be if YOU were in charge feels awfully great, doesn't it? This morning during our regular scanning of headlines and loudly wondering what's wrong with some people in today's society, the Buds asked the question, "What if the Buds ruled the world?" Now don't be alarmed -- we have no immediate plans to take anything over. Yet. However, we do have some brilliant ideas about how to make this world a better place.

First off, all "Negative Nellies" would be banned. Don't have anything positive to say? Then keep it under your zipped lip. Anyone caught spreading negativity would receive a fine. Whining will increase the fine. Perhaps this may seem harsh and maybe even impossible to avoid ALL negativity, but we think people should focus on the positives in their lives instead of dwelling on what they don't have or don't like. Starting a sentence with, "I'm never going to" probably means that person won't EVER do whatever follows that. But that can swing in a positive way too. "I might not get to go on a European cruise, but I'm planning a really fun weekend getaway with my closest friends. I'm so lucky to have them." See what we did there? Positivity leads to happiness, which leads us to....

Second, what makes people happy? Puppies. Babies. Kitty cats. Food. Music. This list could go on for a while. With our magical super powers, the Buds would make it so that food no longer has calories (except for icky brussel sprouts, which will be loaded with calories, thus causing people to avoid them and wipe them totally from existence). Imagine being able to eat whatever you want and keep the figure you had in your early 20s. We don't know about you, but that sounds like heaven to the Buds!

Puppies and babies and kitties must be made available for petting and playing in every office. Stop what you're doing right now and think about the sweet, adorable face of a floppy eared puppy. (Go ahead, we'll wait.) Done? Unless your heart is made of stone, we bet you couldn't do that without letting a smile creep up on your face. We bet you'd be a lot happier at your job if you could take a break every hour to go pet the kitty or to babble incoherently to a laughing baby. Allergic? We'll make sure furless pets are available in those cases. If you're allergic to the baby...we're not sure what we can do there. But see, we've thought of everything!

Everyone will choose their own song that will be played when they enter a room. Sort of like the professional wrestlers and boxers that walk to the ring with their familiar theme song blasting in the background. Wouldn't that be fantastic? Once we learn to associate a song with a person, we won't even have to turn around to see who entered the room! Just a few extra seconds of productivity to help you during your busy day. The Buds have not decided on their theme song. We've tossed around several options including the "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" song featuring a dancing banana, or Weird Al Yankovic's "Eat It," featuring a gang of "Bud-ettes" to perform a choreographed routine.

With all the smiling and dancing and singing and puppies, kitties and babies at every turn, who wouldn't want to live in a world ruled by the Buds? If you find us asleep at our desks this afternoon, don't wake us up. We're still dreaming.


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