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Don't blame the groundhog

March 22, 2013 - Michael Palmer
Ohio prosecutor seeks death penalty for Punxsutawney Phil after bad forecast

The prosecuting attorney of Butler County, Ohio, Michael Gmoser, wants the groundhog to pay for his flawed prediction, with his life.

Gmoser filed an indictment against Phil which reads accordingly:

On or about February 02,2013, at Gobbler’s Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early. Contrary to the Groundhog day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been and are predicted to continue in the near future, which constitutes the offense of MISREPRESENTATION OF EARLY SPRING, a Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio.

SPECIFICATION: The people further find and specify that due to the aggravating circumstances and misrepresentation to the people that the death penalty be implemented to the defendant, Punxsutawney Phil

Gmoser said in a phone interview that waking up to snow and temperatures in the teens on the second day of spring served as motivation for the indictment.

I offer a defense for the hibernating mammal and hope his life will be spared.

Another funny blogger put forth a theory that Punxsutawney Phil has cable television in his burrow and has been forced to watch Current TV which now owned by Al Jazeera is pumping former network owner Al Gore's new book The Future - subtitled Six Drivers Of Global Change.

This could have spurred an onset of optimism in which the whistle pig from PA was biased by the cognitive dissonance in the broadcast.

The record warmth last March is far from the norm in Ohio. This winter was a more typical winter, it was cold, it stayed cold and we got a little bit of snow and ice.

Besides, the job is simple, you see your shadow and make the call or you pick your alternative forecast if the sun does not shine.

March was nice last year but as I recall April and May were unusually dry but cool,

Just what does this spring hold?

I am sure we will shiver under an umbrella at more than one track meet and never doubt that there will be mud, lots of it.

I avoid making predictions with the exception of our pigskin picks which are required. I did not fill out a bracket for the NCAA March Madness, it is just not my thing.

Like every season, I will pack three levels of outer wear for the inevitable range of temperatures, rain gear and a good pair of boots.

It may not be funny to some people, but I laughed at the varmint humor. I applaud the prosecutor for risking the indignation and scorn he will receive for his light hearted humor.

Luckily, the groundhog lives in PA and we have no jurisdiction or else or own forecasting varmint Buckeye Chuck could be moving up to top Hog on February 2.


Article Comments

Apr-04-13 11:53 AM

Al Gore suddenly bears no responsibility as any liberal hot air would do. If the enviroweinies are so correct about "global warming", why has it been so cold?


Mar-23-13 8:24 AM

Clearly, the responsibility is on the front step of Mr. Al Gore, Mr. Global Warmer who failed to open his mouth a sufficient number of times this winter to expel some of his hot air. Personally, I will take the cold weather.


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